In her post Change and the Credibility Factor, Gwyn Teatro pointed out that a synonym for credibility is trustworthiness. In reading her excellent list of things we can do to earn credibility, I started thinking about this question:
What simple, everyday actions can we take to earn trust?
This is not to say that I think earning a reputation as being trustworthy is a simple endeavor. The conditions for trusting can be very personal and we don’t always make rational assessments when it comes to trusting others.
We also don’t all take the same approach. Some of us grant trust and take it away when someone does not live up to our standards. Others believe trust must be earned. The rest of us fall somewhere in between.
Nonetheless, there are things we can do to give others reason to trust us.
Here are my top 7 recommended ways to develop a reputation for being trustworthy.
1. Be on time: Consider that being consistently late sends a very loud message, not just about your reliability, but about your lack of respect for and commitment to the other people who have to wait for you. If there is a pattern of people showing up late, you do not get a free pass from this one. Showing up consistently on time in an organization that has this costly habit is an opportunity to lead. Why not take advantage of the opportunity?
2. Prepare. We use the excuse of having to go to so many meetings or back to back meetings not only as a reason for being late, but for not preparing adequately. As one of my coaches, Gordon Star, used to say: failing to prepare is preparing to fail. It also wastes peoples’ time, including yours. If you waste my time, how likely am I to trust you with something else that matters to me?
3. Do not gossip: If you have an issue with someone, work it out with them. From what I have seen there is way too much gossip occurring under the guise of venting. What’s the difference? When you vent you actually have a commitment to working things out with the person with whom you have an issue. Venting is one thing you do to prepare to have what could be a difficult conversation. Gossiping is venting without commitment. Besides, what message are you sending to the person you are gossiping to? They may be left wondering if they will be next.
4. Keep confidential conversations confidential: Knowing something others are not supposed to know is a big responsibility. It can also be a bit intoxicating. If you have to mention to someone else that you shouldn’t be telling them this, do you really think that qualifies as keeping a confidence? You may experience a moment of power, but consider whether it is worth the risk to your reputation or to others.
5. Honor your promises. I use the word “honor” instead of “keep” your promises deliberately because no one keeps all of their promises. Stuff happens and we are, after all, human. So this means EITHER do what you said you would do OR tell someone in advance of the due date that you can’t deliver. When you can’t deliver and you tell someone in advance, you can figure out together how to deal with the potential breakdown. That doesn’t count as keeping your promise, but it does honor your commitment and your relationship.
6. Admit when you don’t know something. It is an illusion to think that if we hide what we don’t know we will protect the perception that we are competent. Reality is that the more competent we are the more aware we are of what we don’t know and the more confident we will be that we can find out. Admitting you don’t know something is a sign of strength, not weakness. Also consider that, as a manager, if I know you will admit when you don’t know, I am actually more likely to entrust you with something that may be a stretch for you.
7. Own your mistakes. Admitting your mistakes is a good start because it demonstrates honesty. Want to demonstrate reliability, too? Take full responsibility by dealing with the consequences of your mistakes and taking full advantage of the opportunity to learn.
These all fall into the “simple, but not easy” category for many of us. Yet if you do these things consistently you greatly increase your chances of being trusted with the things that really matter.
What else can we do to increase our trustworthiness in the eyes of others? Please add you ideas so we can all learn from your wisdom and experience.
Susan Mazza
I appreciate reading your leadership posts. The list above sounds so easy. Why do you think it is difficult for most people do follow your list?
Great question Jann. I think there are a number of things at play here.
One is that we aren’t really awake to the cost of not doing these things on our reputation or on the people around us. For example, the person who gossips or leaks confidential information may never know the damage they have caused to another person or the organization.
The second is that the emotion of the moment can trump rational thinking. If I am worried about looking bad in front of my boss I may succumb to the fear of unpleasant consequences like a bad performance review rather than admitting a mistake or that I do not know something.
The third is that justifying our untrustworthy behavior is easier, mostly because we all too often get away with it. At least we seem to be getting away with it because in the moment we are may not experience any negative consequences. In fact we may just be going along with the crowd so who is going to hold us accountable anyway? This is perhaps the most compelling justification of all.
Yet this gets back to being unaware of the cost. While you may not “get in trouble”, people will take notice consciously or subconsciously. That will inform their assessment of your trustworthiness even if they can’t put their finger on exactly why they don’t trust you.
Every one of these requires that we choose the behavior consciously rather than get swept up in the emotion or justification of the moment. Conscious choice can be much harder and it takes a commitment to being personally responsible. Those who are committed to being personally responsible will have a much easier time doing these things and are more likely to be considered trustworthy in my opinion.
Isn’t it great when one set of thoughts leads to another? It adds a lot of richness to the subject and allows for a collaboration that, without the wonders of the internet, would not otherwise happen…a very cool thing.
All of the points you raise are critical to building trust. I particularly like the fine distinction you make between honoring promises and keeping them. Too often we can be reticent to make any commitments at all for fear that we will let others down. But, a commitment can still be fulfilled even when life gets in the way. It just requires discussion and amendment agreeable between, or among, the people involved.
Great post Susan! I think for many people the ego comes into play, especially in #3, 4, 6 & 7 of your list above and interferes with the desired behavior. I would also add truthfulness or honesty to the list above. People who are open and honest earn my trust quicker than those that engage in fact bending or even tiny “white lies”.
Jann, I’ll agree with Susan’s responses. She and the commenters have answered you in terms of individual motivation and behavior. I think that’s part of the picture, but there’s more.
We’re coming to the end of a cycle where private interest and private rights have been touted at the expense of public responsibility. We’ve made heroes of people who “win at any cost.” We’ve derided as stupid people who are honest when it can cost them a job or a promotion. If you take those points of view, it makes perfect sense to treat a promise as a matter of convenience, or treat the time of others as being at your disposal, or not admit anything that you don’t have to.
Twenty years from now, I think what Susan suggests here will be more the norm. Today, we’re at the self-centered end of the cycle.
The only thing I would add is “Mind Your Own Business.” When other people are constantly judging me or telling me what they think I ought to be doing, it causes me to wonder whose agenda they are most interested in. So many people are hurt when someone else “is just trying to help” when they can’t possibly understand what another people is thinking or going through.
While it may not sound politically correct, we all do things to please ourselves. I help others so I can feel good about myself; I don’t want my children to feel pain because it causes me pain; I say kind things to people because I want them to think kindly of me. To me this is not a bad thing. It is just important to know it and understand why I do what I do. That’s enough to keep me too busy to worry about what others are doing!
I would expqnd the list bt two and replicate the existing #5, #6, and #7 as new #1, #2, and #3. They are worth noting twice because I think Trust begins and ends with them.
I don’t think Trust can begin to develop without them, and it will end when they do.
Hi, nice post. I have been pondering this topic,so thanks for writing. I’ll certainly be coming back to your blog.
Susan,
If I had to condense your post into a single tweet, it would be “Listen to your Mom.” Everything you listed are the basic elements of good character that good parents have been teaching since the dawn of time. These aren’t magic solutions discovered after years of deep research; these are the foundations of civilized society.
Pat’s comment strikes a chord: “we all do things to please ourselves.” We are all born inherently selfish; children look out for themselves. When we allow children to grow to adults without this instruction, we create grown-up children who break all these rules. I hope Wally is right; the pendulum may indeed swing back. Unfortunately, these kinds of character flaws used to be corrected with a little public chastising and consternation. Now, we are so afraid of offending anyone that we just let these things go.
Sadly, the people who need this advice rarely read blogs on this kind of self-improvement.
Many of these are based around having good values in general — being kind and considerate of others. Yet even the things that I always try to integrate into my own life are helped by an articulate voice that can become part of the “voice inside my head.”
But the one that really stood out for me — the one that got me to really think about things a little differently, was #2 “Prepare”. I always thought about preparation as something one did for one’s own sake, not for others. But when you said:
“If you waste my time, how likely am I to trust you with something else that matters to me?” I got that rush of an “aha”. Brilliant. I will carry that sentence around in my pocket and until it becomes a part of me.
thank you.
Thanks to all of you for sharing your thoughts and insights.
While I have worked with organizations on these things for a long time there is one thing in particular that I have been reflecting on: do people really get the power they have to impact others? Because if they did I think these things would be a lot more natural.
I have watched people be judged and/or reprimanded for every one of these things (starting with Mom!). It is fair to say that the people who most need this feedback probably won’t be reading posts like this and that private interests/rights have been touted at the expense of personal responsibilty.
Yet I think what most people do not really get is how much they matter. This includes being awake to the impact they have on others for better or for worse. As leaders I think one of our jobs is to wake people to themselves and each other so they can choose to be responsible or not, as well as feel compelled to show up with the best of what they have to offer because they know it matters and they matter.
[...] 7 Ways to Earn Trust RANDOM ACTS OF LEADERSHIP The tips offered above are very good. LS __________________ Teach a child…. And Touch a life. Forever. [...]
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